Are you sure that every HR loves people? Well, probably not all people. Indeed, people generally go into Human Resources because they like people. After a few years of dealing with these humans, HR people can become cynical.
Here are 10 typical employees that HR quietly dislike to deal with:
This kind of employee is never showing up on time, and/or hard to reach for work. They just feel like they aren’t subject to any of the rules. Worse, many bosses allow their bad behaviour to continue, but an HR can’t just fire people. As much as you want to fire someone, it is still up to the manager to make the final decision.
Although we are thrilled with hard workers who want to climb the ladder of success, we develop special programs for these people. What we hate are people who aren’t good at their jobs yet still think they should be climbing up, up, up. No amount of explaining that they need to succeed in their current position before they can be promoted seems to affect these people.
Yes, if you are being sexually harassed, please tell us. Right away. If you observe illegal behaviour of any kind, we will make time to meet with you. If your co-worker comes in late? We don’t care. If your boss takes two-hour lunches, just be glad you are not being micromanaged during those two hours. Let managers manage their own people. If your co-worker coming in late is a problem, your manager will handle it, or she’ll come to HR.
This is the kind of employee who loves giving too much information to HR. We just know everything about this employee. From their toenail fungus to their marital issues, we know it all. We don’t need to know any of it.
Yes, if you need time off to deal with medical or personal issues, we will help you with the paperwork, but we are not nurses or social workers.
It is 11 p.m. on a Friday, and this employee calls. Many people don’t have separate office/cell phones anymore, so it does not just go to an office voicemail. Phone calls from these employees are never emergencies. Although, if your voicemail system allows you to flag a question about 401(k) loans as urgent, this person will do that. Always.
Lots of people hate HR. But most HR people do a good job at what we are supposed to do. It’s not our fault you got a small raise — your boss chose that raise based on the budget that finance gave to her. We are not trying to cause death by paperwork — the federal government can be blamed for that. Stop telling us how much you hate us and maybe, just maybe, you will be able to get anything done and move on.
Or king (this is not limited by gender). This person takes every small correction from a boss as a sign that he’s about to be fired. A co-worker sneezes in his direction and the co-worker is purposely trying to bring the plague into the office. Someone taking up two parking spaces did it not because of bad parking skills, but to make this employee walk a longer way. Please, leave the drama at home.
It is true that some union contracts specifically spell out what you can and cannot do. Fine. Stick to that. But if you are not under such a contract, remember that “other duties as required” part of the job description? That is what this means.
There are times when you can use, “I’m doing many things that aren’t my job. Can we re-evaluate my position to make sure I’m focusing on my core job?” but little one-offs? Just do them.
“If you don’t give me a raise, I’m going to quit.”
“If you don’t change my performance rating, I’m calling my lawyer.”
Please quit. It will save us many headaches. And that performance rating? In a reputable company, that rating has been checked and double-checked and it is accurate. Go ahead and call your lawyer. You can ask for a raise, and you can protest your performance review, but no threats.
This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with listening. The boss creates a formal performance-improvement plan, signed off by HR and your boss’s boss, yet when the goals aren’t reached this employee is shocked that she’s being fired.
This employee is always knocking on HR’s door to complain that a boss followed through and gave a consequence for repeated bad behaviour. “Jane said if I came in late one more time, she’d take me off the schedule for a week!” HR response: “And did you come in late?” “Yes, but… ” “Yes, but… ” is the favourite phrase of the unbeliever.
Any other types of employees you would like to see hit the road? Leave a comment below!
See also: 9 Kinds of Employee You Should Fire Fast